AAAAAAAAH!

Jul. 31st, 2009 09:21 am
aniay: (bitchy ouran)
AAAAAAAAH!
(Wish that a bit of screaming would help my nervousness)
In about six hours I'll have my driving licence test (first theory and the n practice)
I'm so nervous my hands are shaking, I'm trying to calm with listening to the music and it helps a bit but the shaking in my hands won't subside.

Yesterday I had a 2% mistake rate and today I already have abou 5% ;_;
And after yesterday driving I'm completely terrified. I know I was to sure of myself earlier and everyone tells me to take it easy because I'm not expected to pass on first attempt but I CAN'T CALM DOWN!



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
aniay: (hug)
I'm damn sad. Me and my hubb had a bit of dissagreement yesterday which ended in fullblown word-fight and I ended up sad, teary and with my heart broken.

It's good there are people who still understand me but I fucking need a hug.
Online talk is not enough :/:/:/
aniay: (Default)
My fandom live seems to jump from one series to another. Lately I was in Manga and Anime mode, hunting all the latest yaoi, yuri, ecchi, josei mangas I could find and the world of the wizard lied deep inside me untouched but yesterday I felt that my M&A tank is full.
Apparently I lack the fuel in HP tank so now I'm hunting "Know it alls" searching for snarry stories in hope I will find inspiration to contiune the twins fic.
Damn, I have to search for my muse once again, she got lost somewhere between my head and the piece of paper I write on.

Life

Jun. 7th, 2009 09:41 pm
aniay: (bitchy ouran)
It's unfair reeally, life it is.
It seems that having great daughter and loving hubby should recompensate me everything that is wrong with my life.
Many things are falling apart, like my heart for example as well as my health. Life is throwing at me all the bad things.

I just got a bit happier just now, Someone just got my telepatic waves and got online.

Anyway, my daughter has chickenpox but it seams it's almost over already, few spots here and there, she really got it light. But because my parents was changing window she probably caught a cold and now she is sneezing and coughing and snoot hanging of her nose. Not a pretty picture, and I'm a bit afraid because colds ad chickenpox can be dangerous, and my peadiatrician is away from town ;_;

Wish my luck with bearing with life.
aniay: (Default)
It seems that my spine is a mess.
After it have hurt me for the last few weeks,I did an x-ray and it's in pretty bad shape.
I won't be able to work in some harder jobs, and taht means it will be hard to find any job at all :/
Now I'm on a sick leave. Good point is: I have a bit more time for my daughter and for myself. Bad points are: constant headaches, stiffing legs and arms. Not nice.

To lighten up this post I met a guy (my hubby's co-worker) who has laaaaaarge anime collection. ^__________________^
Me is happy. Me watched Code Geass - first series and is watching xxxHolic now.
There is nothing lige a good anime to make you smile. :P (And a person you can talk to about it ;p)

fishy post

Mar. 26th, 2009 08:00 pm
aniay: (Default)
There is this bright shadr of past that i can't rid of.
It's permanently stuck in my heart splitting it in two.
Every day and almost every night it breaks my heart making me ache so badly I almost cry.

I wish this shard could once again became a beautiful stained glass it once were. It's impossible for so many reasons.

My friend told me to throw away a thing that still connected the shard with the past. It's so hard, so painful to destroy this conection, thousand's 'what ifs' are stopping me from severing the link.

Why do I have to cry over a string of numbers?
Why have I created the stained glass when it was sure it will be eventually destroyed.
Why have I picked up this shard?

I need some love and tenderness. I can't live without a hug.
aniay: (Default)
Yup, I'm ill, my hubby is and my daughter to. I have a sick-leave to sunday (so probably this work won't last for longer than month, Crap!) But I'm almost daying with 39 degrees teprature in bed, terribly sore throat, full sinuses and awful cough... you can imagine right?
My daughter after three days of going to creche got ill to now she is ill with me and my huuby is ill probably to make aus feel better... or maybe he just cought it from us.
Anyway It's good I have my notebook, or I'd be grounded in my bed without any contacy with the world.

XOXO (or maybe not because you can catch the flu too)
aniay: (bitchy ouran)
I'm currently fighting with lot's of things. My weight, loss of motivation, my hubby, my plot bunnies (which scattered all over my head and I can't find them) and i really really hope I'll make it with the exchange story before the dead-line. With so many problems smut-scenes are not writing themselves >_< I'm getting terrible headache every time I try to write something smutty. I'd love to write something twincesty, and there is a perfect song for a songfic with them but first I have to finish this little something with Harry Draco and Charlie. And you know what? It's Charlie who gives me the hardest time, not Draco. Surprise, surprise. Anyway if my headache goes away I'll go to cinema tonight, for 'Eagle eye'.
aniay: (Default)
I feel bleah and ouch and duh and all other uninteligent things.
It's a mind-bug I call Bubuś. (You pronounce it like buhbuh or sth)
I have to write and after reading the article about the plot and I feel I can't write, and I have period and I really have enough and I need a kick of positive an creative energy.
aniay: (Default)
Ok so for those interested me and my hubby are getting better. Shish, but it was hard, after all shit that was going on we went to a cinema (Hubby works there and I have free pass 5 days a month ;D) and laughted to tears on "Don't mess with Zohan"(Nie zadzieraj z Fryzjerem) Really Stupid Commedy, really.

And on Sunday we were at Biskupin at Archeological 'Outoor Party' (I have no idea how it's called in english) But there is generally lots of people dressed in ancient-like clothing, there are shows, exhibitions, lots of souvenirs, lots of fastfood and ancien-like food, lotteries and other stuff.
It was cold and windy and rain could fall any second but we drove over 100km because this year the theme of the fest was Japan (YAY!!)
There was beautifull exhibition (small though), one could see real Tea-rituall (, see some martial arts and (Drums please!) Try on a real kimono!



My Olie decided to do it as well ^_____^


It was gorgeous day


Olie rode a ponny, was a little scared


Me and my hubby tried to use the bow (we both failed miserably), My hubby made himself his own coin. And my mum was happy grandma running after Olie ;D
And this was the day that lifted the weight off my shoulders finally.

And now I'm happy little girl so I'm doing stupid quizzes Like this one:

Hell But I like the result!








You Scored as Fred and George Weasley

If you went to Hogwarts you would be doing the Weasley Twins. Oooo damn! You are freaky! You are a hell of a women to take on the Weasley twins. Double time!
Go head girl, go head get down!



Fred and George Weasley

80%

Ron Weasley

70%

Draco Malfoy

55%

Cedric Diggory

40%

Harry Potter

35%

No one, your a prude

35%

Victor Krum

25%

Percy Weasley

10%




aniay: (Default)
Moving, redecorating, cleaning, wiriting, loving....
It seems I have so many things ongoing that i really wander how I manage it all.
Another chapter of ST is almost finished (it's written but I'm not sure I should end it in a place I did, so it should be off to beta in few days.

For now I'm uterly enchanted by 'Brokeback Mountain' I don't usually watch such movies (meaning romances) And hell but I loved it, and i don't remember when was the last time I cried somuch while watching movie. It was so moving, and all the emotions, passion, desires are so well played One can think they are reall (I smell RPS here XD)
Loved it.
I could write so much more by my english is not good enough to desribe my feelings about the movie. so go watch it, its full of love love and even more love.
aniay: (Default)
OMG in the last 24 hours I was first dark blond then verly light blonde, then my hair became carroty orange! And it was suposed to be dark red!!!! Eventually after using two colorising shampoo (those that go away after few washing) additionaly and burning my hair by the first two hair-paints i ended up with desirable dark red. But i had to go to work with flaming red hair today, and it looked baaaad at me. And i have to go to work tomorow --' sigh.

And hell but my head is officialy fucked up! head and not only it X_X. Can't belive it's true but it seems there are things that will never ever go away....

RL ranting

Jul. 16th, 2008 10:26 pm
aniay: (Default)
So I have a job (shop selling moto-parts), I'm helping in the laundry and in the office as well. It's pretty nice job and after it I feel so full of energy, and self-confidence, I think I'm glowing with it:P
My mother in law just put a needle in my ballon of good ennergy and my dad tooday puuled it out, i felt like all of positivenes pfffff'ed out of me.
I feel angry, because he said he don't trust me and my hubby, and when I understand lack of trust towards me, my hubby is the most trustworthy person I've ever knew.
God I need to see him finally and hug him and kiss him and do all this things, my mind supplies my dreams with, to him. I miss him and I'm horny. Jizzz why the world is made of shitty rules that make young people be separated from their loved ones only because they have to live.


CHanging the subject, sixth chapter of ST is off to beta seventh is already writing itself ;)
aniay: (bitchy_hitsu)
I've just so completely fucked up my relationship. And the reason is completely unimportant as well. I want to cry and hit my head with something hard *Bad Ann, Bad Ann!*
Trust is veeeery fragile thing. One tiny thing and you can broke everything you have been building for years.
FUCK!
aniay: (Default)
My washing machine is slightly overworked today, seven loads of laundry today... And I feel hmmm tired and blah and I really hate doing dishes.
Weather decided to boil us in our own sweat and I really miss colder Ireland.
My head is kinda empty right now and I feel a need to fill it up with something.
Blah
aniay: (bitchy ouran)
So the packages from Ireland are finally here and I'm knda terrified, because everything smells. Ireland is humid, everyone knows that, but one didn't realise how much humid, until it can be comapred with something.
Every single piece of clothing has some traces of mould on them (sometimes it's just smell, but sometimes there are spots, that usually are completly uncleanable).
After sorting mine and my daughter's clothes, I smell too.. UGH! >_< I don't have strenght to write and The Twins are being stubborn, again. Live sucks...
aniay: (Default)
OK so few das ago I talked with and old friend of mine via GG (Most popular polish instant messenger) and thanks to a little mistake i indicated that he change orientation (My god I feel stupid) thankfully he knows how my brain works and he just laughed at my mistake. He did but I'm feeling that my head is little bit to disturbed by Yaoising everything around me. What is worse I do it unconsciously.
What else my brain is lately inhabited by sexy redhead/brown-haired twins. It's nice to have them when I write (I've got many ideas from them) but sometimes they are bothersome. Last Night I had this really strange dream about them and It's bugging the hell out of me (as my dreams are usually something more than wild fantasy of my overactive imagination)
I will have to get used to them or get rid of them as soon as I finish writing.

Talking about writing I have my Phelps Twins fic going and almost getting to the Final scene, and my Weasley Twins fic slowly flowing. Of course when I ask Twins to help with smut scenes they are telling me to fuck off. (Will have to do some coercion or bribing or threatening or all three in the same time)

About one week ago a friend of mine who is studying to become Literature theoretic (or something of this kind) red some of my original fiction and convinced me to work with them (they were written long long ago with me being completely inexperieneced writer) work with them and try to publish them. I was like "wow you really think They are worth it?" And She smiled and said that yes they were actually pretty good. I still don't believe her (as I'm slightly self conscious but I'll work on them regardless. The only problem being the fact that my Polish language skills have deteriorated and I'm thinking to rewrite them in english.
aniay: (Default)
Long time no see ;D
Didn't have to much time lately because of my daughter. She is a handful now. She is runing around the house and I have to have eyes around my head (Would love to have Moody's magic eye)
Bleach went away for some time, I'm keeping up to date with manga but that's all.
I had a small Naruto swing about month ago (keeping with manga now as well)
Seen "Ouran high school host club" *drools over the Hitachin twins* and now I'm back safely to Harry Poter.
After really looong time ;)
I always seen myself as Harry/Snape fan, I had flings with Harry/Draco or Snape/James but when i left my OTP in search of my OT3 I found whole new world of Harry/Twins, and from that place there were only one step to fell in love with twincest involving George and Fred or Phelps Twins (Oliver and James) playing them.

Twincest is rather specific kind of relationship and I wander what would happen if I encountered such thing in real live. I'm rather open minded but after giving it some thought I decided I like it because it's not real, it's imagination. (I'd agree to threesome with pretty twins though)

I'm a perv, and I'm proud of it ;)
aniay: (BFS-metaldog)
I've ended up stucked in the hospital, with f*****g stone on my kidney. They shattered it and now I have stent in my insides that is awfully uncomfortable and painfull and it will stay for few weeks >__< Usually patients are free to go after 24 hours but almost 40 centigrades fever made me stay there 5 days. Awfull.
I made an AMV and drew little tiny picture of Ichi and Hichi. If everything go as i plan I will have an entry for [livejournal.com profile] bleach_bdsm contest
And this is my AMV
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BICF5jKnhOU

And my daughter is ill, and she does't let me go anywhere without her, and every time I try to put her to sleep there is wild screeming, kicking... I'm tired and my kidney and bladder just hurt more when I carry her to much.- -'
aniay: (Default)
Yesterday my husband came from Ireland. He told me even that I look veeeeeeery good. And then we were coming back with my father to our city (200km from airport) and we got lost and I went all angry cause my dad told me It was my fault (I had a map)
And then my husband gave me my birthday/nameday present, he said I will calm down. I opened it and get OMFG! WTF! LOL! HAPPY! He bought me a notebook. My own!!!!! Gods IM HAPPY! I dreamed about it, well I will gladly "say thank you" to my second half.

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